by Walter Ness
An observer of life's many ironies.
Paris Hilton, she looks like Barbie, acts like Ken.
Finally a weight loss program that works. It's the Dr. Phil diet. You spend so much time telling people how to live their lives that you have no time to eat. I lost twenty pounds, gained back ten while I was replacing all the friends I lost due to my new behavior. That's the problem with any new system -- always some side effects.
I had a complaint, so I called the Complaint Department. Each person I talked to transferred me to someone else, who transferred me to someone else, till I got transferred to someone who refused to answer the phone.
Now I'm experiencing manic- compulsive behavior. Some part of my mind is wondering non-stop if that last phone number was a paid position. Is there really a want ad out there that says, "Now hiring, must know how Not to answer the phone!"
I read that what makes us human beings similar to computers is the "baud rate." The baud rate for computers is how fast they can communicate through a medium such as a modem.
It was implied that the baud rate for a woman is how fast she can talk, while the baud rate for a man is how fast he can listen.
Without deliberating on how valid such a hypothesis is that compares human beings to computers, I would like to make one correction, -- that the baud rate for a human male actually means three things:·
- How fast he can listen.
- How fast he can ignore what he is listening to.
- How fast he can forget what he just heard.
No one has done themselves greater harm than the person who has lived up to my expectations.