His girlfriend was into cooking. She claimed that she was a gourmet cook. She did cook like crazy but you had to be insane to eat what she made.

Her telephone answering machine had this message, "I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now but I'm over cooking dinner." That's what she always did - she overcooked dinner. She was the only woman he ever knew who could burn food while leaving the stove setting on "Simmer."

She made her own pasta sauce. Some of the jars were so old that the germs inside them evolved into a higher life form. You would open up a jar and this voice would come out, "Do you have cable? We want MTV!"