Do you ever get so lonely, so desperate for company, you'd be walking by a store window and the manikins would start looking good to you?

When I got like that I went to my parents and asked, "How do I go about getting a date?"

"My mother said, "Furniture! You've got to have lots and lots of furniture!" So I got lots and lots of furniture. Nothing happened.

"My father said, "Clothes make the man! You've got to have lots and lots of clothes!" So I got lots and lots of clothes. Nothing happened.

One night, while sitting in a Country and Western type bar, I found the 'Secret of picking up someone of the Opposite Sex'.

A woman came in, sat down at a table, ordered a beer, gave the waiter a hundred dollar bill and told him to keep the change. Next instant there were all kinds of guys around her. She chose one and they left together.

Next, a man came in, sat down at the same table, ordered the same brand of beer, gave the waitress a hundred dollar bill and told her to keep the change. In an instant, there were all kinds of women around him. He chose one and they left together.

That's when I realized, "The secret of picking up someone of the Opposite Sex is BEER!" I rushed toward that same table and ordered six cases of the same brand.

I woke up next day in the alleyway. Blood allover the place, my clothes torn to shreds, my body bruised and scratched. "They must have been fighting over me!"

I went back to the same bar, sat at the same table, ordered the same brand of beer, got married, got divorced. One of the bummer things only true life experience can teach you.