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Honey and the Mooners
What made the Honeymooners such a culturally rewarding show was its reversal of gender roles. Alice was the calm and rational one, and Ralph was the one having PMS attacks. The scene is Ralph and Alice's apartment with Norton visiting. Norton is sitting at the living room table as Ralph and Alice, who are standing, are having an argument. |
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| Ralph |
Aaaghh!!! Aaaghh!!! |
| Alice |
Ralph! Are you having another PMS attack? |
| Ralph |
I'm having a PMS attack?! I'm having a PMS attack?! Did you hear that Norton? I'm having a PMS attack?! One of these days Alice - one of these days! |
| Alice |
One of these days we're going to find out you're not really fat. You're pregnant, and while you're delivering I'm going to have to get a job to support the family. |
| Norton |
Is that true, buddy boy? There's a little buddy boy inside the big buddy boy? |
| Ralph |
Norton! If there's one thing I know - if there's one thing I know, Norton - a man does not get pregnant, and a man does not have PMS! |
| Alice |
Why don't you douche yourself Ralph? Maybe that will calm you down. |
| Ralph |
Aaaghh!!! Aaaghh!!! She wants me to douche myself. Did you hear that Norton? She wants me to douche myself. A man does not douche himself Alice. Tell her Norton, that a man does not douche himself. |
| Norton |
I douche myself Ralph. You know how Trixie is. She's always in the bathroom. One day, while coming home from work, I saw this douche whatchamecallit at a garage sale. So I bought it. I figured if Trixie used it I would have more time in the bathroom. But Trixie didn't want to, so I started using it. It took a lot of practice but after a while I could take a bath with it. |
| Ralph |
A real man, Norton - a real man doesn't douche himself! A real man doesn't get pregnant and a real man doesn't have PMS! |
| Alice |
Look Ralph, I you don't have PMS, you won't be funny. If you're not funny they are going to cancel your TV show and you'll have to get a job just like everyone else. |
| Ralph |
Cancel the TV show! They can't cancel the show, Alice! They can't cancel the show. Alright, alright, I'll have PMS but I don't have to douche myself to be funny, do I, Alice? |
| Alice |
No, Ralph, you don't' have to douche yourself to be funny. |
| Ralph |
Honey, you're the greatest! |