As a child, you learn that pacifiers come in many different forms. There are pacifiers used on you, such as candy and toys, and there are pacifiers that you use on others, such as "Yes sir! and "Yes ma'am!"

"Yes mother!" Will do more to create calm than any excuse or point of view that you might come up with.

"Yes dear!" is the next major pacifier during your adult years. It's like saying, "Yes officer!" while a speeding ticket is being written. The only major difference is that you are (hopefully) not as affectionate towards the officer when addressing the arm of the law.

There comes a time when "Yes dear!" said by a man, is stated with total surrender to the other gender. This type of man appears in all sense to be a wimp. Not only does the surrender seem complete, but the man now feels the euphoria that Buddhist monks spend a lifetime of meditation trying to attain.

There is a reason for this phenomenon of gender surrender. Men by and large grow up to be thrust into pressured male group environment, where there is one dominant male (the top dog) and a chain ladder of power over which other males struggle, with one unlucky person on the bottom. This bottom man may not get respect, but he does get to deal with all the bull that comes with his position.

There are many men who don't like to be trapped in a fight for-the-top and kiss-everyone's-ass-on-your-way-up mentality. To make matters worse, the man's female companion will one day hand him an ultimatum: "I don't like the way you treat me. Either change or get out of my life!" It is at this critical moment that all those bogus personality traits created for a competitive environment disappear, and the man, left standing naked of any of those personalities, appears to be helpless.

As "Yes dear!" escapes his trembling lips, the man takes the first step towards a new lifestyle. What he instinctively wants is not subservience but simplification. However, at this critical juncture all the man knows is that his environment of too many chiefs has been replaced by one dominant force. By surrendering to that force, he no longer has to worry about being right. He no longer has to worry about being wrong. All he needs is to be agreeable. "She's right you know."

Now he responds to pressure at work differently. When the boss says, "You have to work late today!" He replies, "I have to call home and ask if it's OK." He dials the phone, it rings, the phone on the other side is lifted. After a few words the man turns to his boss and says, "My sweetie says no. I have to come right home at quitting time."

Under normal situations, for a man to say "No" to overtime is work-status suicide. However, this man no longer has any personality traits anyone can attack, or even to force a confrontation with. Even his position on the chain of power is non-existent. Who cares if you're in the ballgame, now that you have your own referee telling you what you can and can't do.

So he is left alone to do his job. Other men fear him and keep their distance, just in the off chance that what happened to him might rub off and happen to them. On the surface the man has found his social nirvana, but at what cost? The woman in the man's life now has to live on an emotional edge, feeling safe only when the threat of ending the relationship is maintained. She finds herself on adrenalin high, feeling herself powerful only because the man refuses to hold on to any power, lest he be forced back into the emotional rat race.

However, there is hope. Such a man can join a support group and slowly allow new personality patterns to come out. Personality traits that have been submerged, first by needless competition, now by compete gender surrender. A new man can emerge from all of this and only time will tell what kind of a man he will