We reveal to you, the reader, what has been hidden from society for too many centuries concerning the founder of the Ancient Brotherhood of Moe. Our founder, originally a Christian monk from Eastern Europe, was first noticed as unique while participating in a public demonstration proclaiming the then-pending termination of life on earth. While his fellow monks were carrying signs which read "The End is NEAR!", his sign read "The End Is My REAR!" While the learning disability from which he suffered was not unknown in those days, the prescribed treatment was a healthy dose of "Get out of here, we don't want your kind!" In fact, this treatment is still widely used today. During his consequent wandering from village to village, he tended to draw people to himself who were of deep spiritual insight, and who were able to express their profound spirituality as one-liners which offered hidden insights into the workings of human behavior.

One day, during the feast of "I Got Some Wine!", our founder experienced remarkable visions. One of the visions told him that the Creator of all things is known as "El Mighty", and there is a place where wicked people are punished, which is run by El Mighty. And that's why it is said that if you are evil in this life you will go to El. Our founder had several other visions as well, and tried to create some sort of order out of them, resulting in a decision to return to his roots and create a religious order out of them.

The requirements for joining this order were the ability to write something profound, and the willingness to give up all wordly goods. This presented a problem though, because no one had anything to give up. So it was decided that the aspiring members of this order would all go to America, where the streets were said to be paved with gold.

The plan was to take the gold from the streets, and donate it to the poor, who might then become wealthy by contracting to re-pave the streets with cement and blacktop, which were much cheaper than gold. But once in America, the monks were seduced into giving up their vows of poverty, which they were tired of anyway, and adopting vows of capitalism.

To their great disappointment, the former monks found that money did not buy them happiness. Well, actually it did buy them a lot more happiness than they had in the old country, but they were unhappy about not being able to take their material gains with them into the afterlife. So, in order to leave a bit of themselves behind on Earth, they collected and wrote down the ancient sayings of the Brotherhood of Moe, and then hid them, figuring that people would discover them at such a time when they were truly needed, understood and appreciated.

Today that day has come.

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